Saturday, 19 August 2017

indestructible

i waited several lifetimes
until i found my soul
looking it straight in the eye
i died a million deaths
willingly
running through fire
lightning storms
racing up
the highest summits
while the earth grew barren
while the world grew old
exhilarated
annihilated
plunging into the deepest oceans
exploding within seven billion bombs
with each step
from every direction
i keep going unrelentlessly
old soul i looked into your eyes and fell in too deep
breathless
rapturous
i own serenity
and i lay down to watch the stars
knowing the secrets in the galaxies beyond
for
they are within me
they are mine
just as you
shall always be



Friday, 18 August 2017

patience

An opalescent silence
So clear, crystal-cut
If you listened to the rain
You’d hear each single drop

Shatter

There were no more tears to give
and so very few heartbeats left to live

And shatter

So easy
So simple
So uncomplicated it’s become

No receding
No feelings
As we stay comfortably numb

Winter, summer, spring or fall
What does time mean after all?

It doesn't matter.



Thursday, 17 August 2017

tormented

it was on the seventeeth floor of the seventeenth building
where he looked across the carapace and forgot his name
sirens wailing down a boulevard of veterans
alarms singing to the beat of burning pots and pans
a tinge of spices up gone up in smoke
broken glass and china and japan and geneva
a memory riddled with holes like imported cheese
if you could never hear yourself think
he was this thought







Wednesday, 16 August 2017

commencement

With a crack
The horizon began to fall away
Endless cold whiteness
Endless blue oceans
Endless exhaustion
At its end
That place where we placed our tomorrows
That place where we bury our dreams
Where the edges of evermore
Are nevermore seen
Crumbling chasms
Creeping closer
A slowly awakening eternity
With prophecy in its eye
So many unanswered questions remain
In a world coming apart
Do we run away or do we stay?
Do we at long last reach for each other’s hand
One frozen one burning
hoping for another chance?
On the brink and
Into the black
We began to walk towards
A horizon that was no more






Tuesday, 15 August 2017

liberation

after categorically compartmentalizing trying to neatly place this against that
and printing off adhesive labels that would later peel away in the heat
they went to celebrate at the local bar to drink to their accomplishments
patting each other on the back with raucous songs of fathers and sons

after they turned off the lights she opened the closet door and tiptoed out
opening filing cabinets in the dark and with a wave of a finger

pages upon pages went blank 
words falling off into piles of ash
blowing away as dust to land
once more on the earth

Monday, 14 August 2017

nausea

out it pours:
torrents gushing forth
a paroxysm
a body clenched
in toxic shock
as broken bones fuse 
even as she empties 
inside out
a wracking, shuddering 
relentless chronic cycle

cold porcelain
against the back of her hot neck

Sunday, 13 August 2017

created

to paint
the volumes
of all that is known of love
would be a molecule of
a drop in the ocean
of the chaos of your light,
my darling.

Saturday, 12 August 2017

fevered

I see the wet tendrils of her curling hair
through the blurred windscreen.

Rainstorms.  And raincoats.
So many reasons to sit in a flooded car.

It is thirty-three degrees and no air conditioning
provides the best excuse for delusions.

I hear her laughter in the silver of night
even though her laughter has ceased.




Friday, 11 August 2017

proximity

a breath away
or just a thought
sitting beside me
under my skin
and in my bones
so much sometimes
it's a loud echo
a quiet ache
in my teeth
in my head
in a blink of an eye
over years
over miles
but always
you're so close

Thursday, 10 August 2017

refuge

at first she would wallow
refuse a solid shore
            at least, after she recovered
            from drowning
returning
to those same reefs where her boat crashed
staying aboard that so-called haven
even while it burned
though the captain
had long already jumped ship
with an island to call his own
leaving her with her big words and lofty ideals
so that when it sank, she sank too
with the anchor
with the mast
and treasure chest of gold floating by
her last words engulfed with the weight of water
deposited at a sodden salty shore
after drowning
after wallowing
she sat and waited, a self-exiled harbour
facing an infinitely vast ocean
looking
searching
seeking
keeping her eyes on that horizon
with a certainty that the captain would return
he couldn’t be far
               that much she trusted
sitting on a rocky coastline refusing to turn her back on the ocean
refusing the fruits and foliage and the shelter behind her
unbeknownst
on the shores
of his island


Wednesday, 9 August 2017

destroyed

it is the key to antiquity but lost in disambiguity
a speck balanced precariously on a breeze
negligible but weighted with all of existence
and swims with the plenary of perpetuity
sitting on an eyelash
make a wish
when a star falls
when you close your eyes
when four parallels coincide
when the heat of the sun hits your eyelids
lighting up a darkened world with roses on fire
it rusts



Tuesday, 8 August 2017

restored

he fills his life with clutter
storing away knicks and knacks
behind glass walls
perhaps in the process of attaining
there is a semblance of control
to balance an inward spiraling
sensation of loss
dizzying and mortifying
a fortification of tenuous contentment
in the act of appreciating very little things
knowing deep down he let go of the biggest
bowing to the enormity of such appreciation
beyond his capacity to be true to
in a secret place he puts the universe behind glass
though everyday it breaks
he tells noone




Monday, 7 August 2017

addiction

there are no easy answers
though she lays with eyes wide open
blinded in the dark
she emptied out her closet
and cupboards and drawers
seeking abandonment
like an addict
giving away her possessions
until she lay her head down
on a bare mattress in a bare room
listening for the sound of a thing
-- an empty heart --
to abandon once again



Sunday, 6 August 2017

contentment

cotton candy sunsets
with a moon so bright and true
overlooking water
so cold and icy blue

the roulette spins both hot and cold
but sunshine's on thy face
a boardwalk walk with kindred spirit
and a field-full's breathless chase

back against the grass
or flying up to touch the sky
checking out volley-ballers
there's more than one kinda high

though the summer begins to set
like a stranger just passing through
surround yourself with those you love
and those who love you


Saturday, 5 August 2017

preserved

dispossessed by the breaking sky
a tornado dropped me at my next stop
walking up an empty aisle
muted whispers from those on either side
I am dripping with each step
and dropping wet petals left behind

maybe i took form when i became rain
with a breath of fresh air i was born
i listened to that voice
and thought it was sane
"when at your hands did I deserve this scorn?"

kidnapped by a midsummer spell
i found a quiet corner in the library
reminiscing on many night's dreams
with a view down an aisle with nothing at the end
i am lost in wonder as i sit
dropping baubles of memory left behind

but why do we try to keep what we keep
from movement, still life to celluloid
unchanged, unaltered, embalmed
in preservation it is destroyed

Friday, 4 August 2017

possession

no matter how you think you've taken back all you ever gave

by withholding an equal amount for an equal amount of time

there are things that were originally yours but you never had

a genuine obstreperous assignation of misaligned intangibles

misunderstanding and confusing the possibility of propriety

no matter how prolific or profound the phrasing of prolixity

when you think you've done a great job at creating boundary

of demarcating lines and distances and measuring separation

you realize it's in building these epithets of silence and song

that keep reminding you of what was given and what is gone






Thursday, 3 August 2017

obsession

when we say we're in that place called love
perhaps it's just a temporary safe home
like a witness protection program
we've built around ourselves from sticks

when we call that place that certain name
instead of the wild and impulsive yen
of  obsession--for what else fills us
like that all-consuming fire burning

perhaps we thrill at the torments and tides
when the waning moon and rising sun
become muses for poems and canvases
instead of just being what they simply are

but sticks can burn and tides ebb
and even the moon erodes
paint and paper dim and dissolve
and the heart implodes

when we forget to simply be
instead seeking ourselves in reflected irises
in tiny specks of consciousness
through that other person's gaze

when we lose ourselves to manic obsession
an ache permeating to the depth of bones
to know we exist--we reach to the stars
seeking in that void an echo calling

perhaps we still our beating hearts
when we hear in the murmur of space our name
learning the language of distance and silence
realizing a permanence below the despair

and sticks can burn and tides ebb
and the moon can fade away
eyes and stars close and collapse
and yet here we stay







Wednesday, 2 August 2017

-ution

it's when you start backtracking
trying to retrace your steps facing a direction only your past ever faced
like a glorious hike through a forest
where every tree represents a story and every glimmer of sunlight
dappling the shade, a moment
but after you emerge, and look back at the way you came
every single thing looks different
an imposing stranger with no familiar landmarks
just one gestalt entity that looms on the periphery of memory
it is no wonder we often misconstrue that backwards glance
as a negative space, a dungeon of emotion: evil
rather than a sequential paradigm pulled together from moment to moment
memory to memory, a fluid, shifting movement
from one stage to the next
backwards it's love
forward darwinian but on the way we forget our train of thought
and it drops off
for it is only to be expected, nothing is ever the same again

a retrograde that's strange
despite nostalgia: change


Tuesday, 1 August 2017

Fi-

filament by filament
i unravel
pulling the thread out
carelessly
unconsciously
with the precision of a surgeon
needling through skin
flesh, ligaments and bone
piecing together nothingness
in pursuit of untangling
unwinding
deteriorating
dissolving
solving
lament by lament
in fulfillment
i'm free

Wednesday, 5 July 2017

Di-

beware the causality
of holding on too long
to a relic
that with time
barely functions
warns the bereft
timeless clock
stuck on the hour
stuck on the minute
with the second hand striving to
move on
(from the search of the ever-elusive first hand)
but always returns
ticking
and tocking
and talking:
he spoke with his soul
she listened with her heart
whose beats emulated
the resounding echo of time
the scribbles cogitating the silence
calibrating the viscosity
of her cardiac flow
in deciphering
those indivisible
invisible
lyrics of his soul


Friday, 30 June 2017

Deccan Traps

I am standing alone in an empty field
in a world silvery blue
pierced again and again by shards of lightning
the sky is tumbling and rumbling
rolling over itself to close in from all sides
a strong gust of wind flattens the grass as far
as one can see, flattening the trees to one side
intertwining my hair and blowing my trench coat apart
i stand, rooted
with water rising over my feet,
blades of grass and murky warm water
rising between my toes
with each strike of lightning
and each broken sob of thunder
when the world is silenced with a roar and a hush
i recall when i lived in the time of the dinosaurs
when therapods and compsognathidae and
and promises and love and archaeopteryx
went extinct


Monday, 19 June 2017

Drought

I am denial while you are acceptance

We’re all those hues of melancholy and grief

Of disaster and despair, you and I

I am detachment and you are apathy

That promise was the rumbling anticipation of overhead clouds

Ready to soothe and assuage a dusty drought

Instead, passing overhead without one drop fallen

I am that cloud and you the earth

For want of release and 

thirst and satiation

exchanging one last polite smile

we perish

ferocious gentle storm


Your touch be a sun ray or a caress from the wind

Your voice the roiling waves, rumbling thunder

The furrows of your frown

Chiselled edges, plateaus of the mountain high

Your eyes the forest at a certain moment at sunset

I sleep under your skies

Monday, 12 June 2017

Languid

sometimes in love
sometimes not
sometimes above
and under and sideways
liquid and molten
syrup: gold
sometimes we're young
sometimes old
it's a comfort that's not stagnant
but forever on hold
it is that ease of breathing
a breeze hinting despair
but a solace like no other
the ticking that betokens repair
time keeps expanding
elastic, pliable
stretching on into a
loose-limbed yawn
sometimes empty-handed
sometimes not
sometimes sure-footed
and stumbles and
a secret on the wind
a season
a scent
a sense
so languid




Friday, 26 May 2017

Linger


all you have to do really


is slow down your steps baby


let yourself let go


and let it all flow


breathe in the air slowly


until in equals out maybe


and look at the big picture


down to the small


cast off the hurry


and the haste and the fury


this moment is it


just let it


all go

Sunday, 7 May 2017

Still

Would you love me still
if I ran away
Would you love me if I
forgot your name
Would you love me,
he asked,
if I killed someone?

Yes

whispered the ghost
of the girl I used to be

Monday, 24 April 2017

inextricably

what do you think falling in love means?
is it like a dust particle falling into your keyboard
unseen, minuscule—unnoticed and negligible?
is it like a tear dropping into a teacup
losing itself in many circles of frequency
dissolving, diluting into nothingness
it is like how my cat goes crazed at times
she suddenly freezes, her focus,
her entire world now suddenly just one particular thing
she turns her head a full one eighty and although
it is inextricably a part of herself
she chases it
trying to capture that one thing
that one thing that provides her balance in life
would you think on a bright blue day, when the sun is shining
when the boys are playing basketball on the tarmac courts
when the kids are hanging upside down on the jungle gyms
clambering to the top of slides to call out
"here i am!"
to a world below
that on a day so bright that we're all inside a tiny globe
that's floating inside a vast nothingness, so full of black
so full of dark, with shooting stars, and gas and dust
dust particles that are like that little dust particle
that fell off your skin and into the keyboard
superclusters of galaxies of dust particles
they say there is that theory where the universe
came from nothing
where after a blink of the eye
you suddenly have a reflection when before there was none
what if when you are standing on the shores of a lake
looking at the glassy surface at your reflection and realize
that the reflection is really you on the shore
what if love was really nothing but everything and
falling was not into a thing nor within a thing
what if you fall in to fall out again
because it is a strange thing that is happening to me you see
that i am in love with being out of love but still i am in
and it is a complete circle i keep on going around and around
chasing a something that is already a part of me
inextricably
if everything comes from nothing but things fall apart
maybe things can fall back together
like the number of times i've pieced myself back
when i thought i'd already shattered the shatters
when i thought i'd already shuttered the shutters
closing out the light to batten down the darkness
but really i was outside the whole time and inextricably
falling

Saturday, 22 April 2017

tangency

laughing eyes to match sighing sighs

sometimes, I wander far from you

crossing the world to get away from you

but at the end of the day,

curl up in a ball at your back door

quietly resting my head at the place

your feet tiredly step.


Monday, 17 April 2017

Backburner

He asks me his questions
and I tell him my lies

Stack them up
They look the same
Same colour and same stripes
They would solemnly swear
Cross their hearts
and think they are
Different
But that is how they are not

He thinks each day
I am farther away
Not knowing that I am closer than ever
that slight wind on the back of his neck
Is my breath

But he can't see me because he is hiding
Hiding behind cowardliness that strips away
Under glaring fluorescent lights

So he asks me his questions
And sometimes I smile
Sometimes I look him in the eye
Because the truth is a riddle
So I tell him my lies

Stack them up
Side by side
Then with one finger
Watch them topple






Sunday, 16 April 2017

Postscript

So many crossed paths
And aimless wandering around in the past
There are those strangers
Who were once your very own
Out of the crowds suddenly one day
You see them coming, and when you blink
They've turned right around and are walking
Away
Impolite polite ways of pretending you never once were

I'm not waiting for you
I'm waiting for me


Monday, 3 April 2017

Steady

Becalmed
on a tide of shores
Fervent, frenetic
A placid tumult of breaths
Seventeen million echoes singing five billion sighs
A dance on breezes like whiplashed strands of hair
Hands that once clasped each other grasp air
We hung on to save lives only over this precipice
All those shards of broken pieces that we thought lay below
All those fires we thought we would walk over for one another
We had to let go to fall In order to learn to fly
a threshold of heartbeats
Frantic, fluid
on a coast of waves
Clamoured

Monday, 20 March 2017

slumber

somewhere in the world it is 2 am
and from the silence of the silence
a guitar plays
the wind must be gusting and the stars shining
somewhere raindrops drop
a slow melody thrums
all i know is this beat inside outside out
heartbeats
eyes are closed but heaven is open
a slow dance in the shades of moonlight
and it wanes
as i and you and the world
fade away into somewhere


bebe-cocaine♪

Thursday, 9 March 2017

Woman



love is a mirror


not only a light


love is a caged bird


that has taken flight


love is the self first


love is the world


love is all your million colours


unfurled

Monday, 27 February 2017

One Breath

If we must
we must
dance more freely
live again just one more day
if we can breathe
and let it out again
every inhalation
becomes an ex
If I must
You must
Let us linger
A trailing finger
Caressing dust
Because I am reaching
And touching
These stars
Lighting up
This path I tread
What is up?
And what is down?
What is lost
Can be found
If we must
We must
live again.

Tuesday, 14 February 2017

Mirror

I have loved you every day
Thinking the next would be the last
I have loved you despite the feeling
of falling in love
With other people, different people
Thinking that maybe each love
Would teach me a belonging that
I could not have with you
Love has brought me laughter
that all too soon brought me to tears
Because I found that love in you
You are that reflection
Of all the things that were broken
Of all the things that were strong
Of all the things that were simply beyond explanation
Because you are me.

Friday, 15 April 2016

Mamihlapinatapai

Remember those moments when we could not stay away
Like two meant-to-be magnets stuck together every day


We were so broken
We were so lost
But together we managed to overcome the costs
of a lifetime of never being one
until that moment when our hearts became undone


Peelings away the layers
Getting to the skin
Until our very souls became enmeshed the way its always been
How so many moments, like a rainfall of gold coins
Could suddenly melt away like we were never enjoined


Remember those moments when we laughed under the rain
But the muscles, they remember, reliving it again

Wednesday, 13 April 2016

AƱoranza

They've moved on
These emblems of a stony path
A foot high pile of leaves
Autumn, I'm not sure why it it stays
When skies are brimming with Spring's song
A crunching quiet of oranges browns
As I stand beneath this barren tree
With hands that once held yours in my pockets
How many times have we traced these lines
Journeys of moments upon our palms
The infinitesimal grooves at our fingertips
Imprinting upon the seams of a thousand lives
Goodbye songs and goodbye sighs
A word that could never be spoken
Goodbye memories, goodbye my trees
Goodbye this heart that is broken

Sunday, 10 April 2016

Molten

Abstract


His heart

Was something that I was pretty certain of

It was solid, strong

And most of all gold¹
_________________
¹Gold alone or pure gold does not combine easily with oxygen so it stays shiny, it does not rust nor tarnish, again, that is pure gold. In jewelry, it is rare to find a piece that contains only the pure gold element.


page 2

Introduction


You would think, however

That something so pure

Would be true

But there lies the dichotomy

Truth is not always pure

So what was the lie?


page 3

Hypothesis


Love can either be pure

Or love can be true

We test

If it can be both

or not


page 4


Method


Take one girl and one boy

They are soulmates

Make them sad

Then add the two together in one vessel

Shake vigorously

Monitor temperature

If as expected the temperature has risen to 1111°C² 

Then it is love


Now add pressure and observe for variables truth and purity

_________________
² When first erupted from a volcanic vent, lava is a liquid at temperatures from 700 to 1,200 °C (1,292 to 2,192 °F).


page 5


Results


N/A³


________________
³ Could not be completed/measured as temperature rose to such extent that the universe exploded.




Thursday, 7 April 2016

when sometimes I hear his voice

Ugh lemon tea
(why do you keep insisting
that I drink lemon tea when you know that I don't like it? can you not respect my feelings
my own preferences and dislikes and stop forcing me)
and that awkward quiet silence begins as we hold our feelings slayed
apart and wounded and waiting for the other
I have tried and am trying and still try my best
but I still wake up everyday a mess
can you not understand
I am so many ways of lost, girl, 
We will always have each other matter what
(conditions may apply)
I can't keep holding  up my weight and yours
I can't
Just eat your cracker
(the cracks just keep spreading and widening and soon
soon
this will all fall down
London Bridge? No, darling, 
Us.)
I'm sorry but
Okay no buts
But,
Sorry for ranting but how is it insanely possible to
(prepare for explosion, 10 9 8 7)
I just can't keep doing this
You know he has really great timing by the way
(6 5 4 3)
I'm going to miss you
(2 1)
Me too





Wednesday, 6 April 2016

return to sender

It is on cold days when everything is gray
and when skeleton fingers of barren trees
branch out against the sky starkly
on cold days bereft of any light and warmth
when the wind runs past
leaving everything behind
which remind me of those days long gone
cold days that were warm days
for all the fire deep inside my soul
the miles I trod, the hours I'd walk
the broken slamming doors I'd escape
to meet you and give you one word of love

The little scraps of hope I saved up on
and bundled up in packets with pretty red bows
happily collecting moments of joy
in a world so dark and empty and lost
I'd leave them on your pillow
for when you would awaken
I'd leave them in your pockets
for those moments you would reach for
your own trinkets of loneliness
to light up your darkness in a fog of death
I'd leave them in your inbox
thinking a word of love might do some good

It is on cold days like now when all I have left
are odds and slips of ribbon reminding me
of the moments I gave away all the love
and thought by licking the envelope that
I too was getting a taste of it even as it was gone

Tuesday, 5 April 2016

no.

you think the only relationship that you ended was the one between you and i
you could never possibly know the infinite ways that every other line has severed no the many doors that shut the many ways everyone else failed  the portals of voices saying i dont care saying i dont want to listen to your sadness or i dont want to be infected by your brokenness no a brokenness that keeps getting broken because seeing me broken it doesn't matter if i crack just a little more so they keep bumping into me with laughter and  fake moments of hilarity or worse dumping galaxies of cold disregard saying run along when i am emotionally dismembered or turning blind eyes to me lying in pools of pain but i keep smiling  and  pretending  along with these people who pretend to be friends  never letting them know the many ways they have broken  me as  well  but if  i ever needed  to know  that   i   never  had  anyone  else  it  is  all  thanks  to  you  who  dropped  me  thinking  i  had  others  who  would  catch

Tuesday, 29 March 2016

Flatline

      Remember
           If he
               can tell you
                           that he loves you
                               and make you believe it
          with every bone in your body
if he can tell you
  "I love you"
       and lie
            through
               every letter of every word
                  abusing every tendon and ligament within you
                               snipping with the relationship your coronary artery
                             (n) that branch from the aorta close to its point of departure
                                                            your heartcollateral damage
                              flooding your lungs with damp, spongy red
                   choking, suffocating, gasping for breath
         open artery spewing and spraying red
red iron clear sodium white calcium mixing, everywhere
      waterboarding you with your own viscosity
           Remember if he can do this
             there is not one single
              thing he deserves
               especially the
                 t
                 r
                 u
                 t
                 h



Friday, 25 March 2016

Maybe Sometimes Like Now

sometimes these candles
they flicker and go out
and out there beyond them
the icicle melts
beyond are clouds and maybe more clouds
and behind them maybe a candle alights
maybe in the same second
your hand reaches for mine
despite all the mountains and oceans and miles

Sunday, 13 March 2016

Pane

love
you will be strong
and it won't be long
until you see that day
when you can look out the window
and recognize
the reflection of outside
in your eyes
my eyes
they have a world for you
waiting and blinking
like a far out star
love
you can't hear my song
for all that's gone wrong
it's a voiceless tune
and now i look in the window
and write love


Saturday, 12 March 2016

Sometimes You

I've ripped all my pages
and torn my words
I've scattered my letters
to the wind
Sometimes they blow back
into my face
and sometimes they


just fly


I don't know
where they all go
I don't know
if they ever reach you
I don't know even
where you are
But I know
w h e r e  y o u ' r e  n o t


I've stripped down my soul
and torn out my heart
I've scattered my breaths
to the wind
sometimes they blow back
into my face
and sometimes they


just fly


Tuesday, 8 March 2016

Torrent

remember
there will never be
another soulmate
who will
in the crushingmultitudeofmillions
find your voice
let us never remember
the many moments when we stood
back to back
against the world
front to front
inhaling the odour of our entangled spirit
in each other's skin
let that last fragrance of ceaseless fortitude
evaporate to nothingness
as i
let you
free

Saturday, 5 March 2016

internal damage

coughing up the blood
bruise around the neck
huddled in a corner
a shaking broken wreck

but everyone has turned their back
they don't want anything to do with you
they've washed their hands in the salt of your tears
and locked the door behind you

undressing in silence
revealing purpled marks
all the kicks to the stomach
and everything goes dark

but everyone has slammed that door
they don't know you no more
they keep silent now, don't give a damn
who are you anyways but no-one, no-one

sirens screaming loudly
bright lights blue and red
they ask you a million questions
amazed that you're not dead

who did you think would ever stand for you
who did you think could ever care
who did you think could ever protect you
no-one
no-one

(miss? who do you want us to call)  no-one
(miss? we need your name) No-one

Friday, 4 March 2016

Orb

One day some day
We'll find our ways home
On long winding paths
Through diamonds and stone
As shattering orbs
Fall from the sky
Glass fragmented meteors
Like bombshells drop down
Falling stars
And globes of dreams
Lit from within
But will blind the unseen
Falling and falling
As we trudge on and roam
One day some day
We'll find our ways home


Tuesday, 1 March 2016

Ice

frozen landscapes unfold beyond
dancing round the falling snow
twirling slowly lips turn blue
eyelashes become crystalline
from a white cold sun
to a white cold moon
dancing slowly in a silent song 
in the arms of winter

Mise en Abyme

there is no forever
not even the word

nothing ever lives long
but the earth we are buried in

even if our ashes fly in the wind
even if our souls catch fire
and die

even that star you wish on is dead

there is no forever
not even the           .

Pendula

hanging from a willow branch
turning in the wind
tips of toes graze the stream
hair mingling with leaves

when the willow bows her head
hiding away her face
who can say if the river below
is of her fallen tears

but today the willow tree
she is not alone


Sunday, 28 February 2016

Covenant

Remember that sound
Loud in your ears
tha-dup tha-dup
As you hear yourself breathe
Remember those people
the ones you told me about
Who, without a look back,
Turned around to leave
So where are those stories
And where are you now?
It's just me and the sky now
With a jar of broken vows

Friday, 26 February 2016

Isolation

stark
bright
white on white
confined places
yet still so dark
pure white
on every wall
one white ceiling and one white floor
four walls blank
mind is blank
heartbeat beating
tick
tock
complete silence
utter noise
complete whiteness
red destroys
splattered red
dark livid red
dripping crimson
heart abled
pure silence
as
   each
           drop
                  fell

then a knocking on the wall: you
in the next cell.



Sunday, 21 February 2016

At Last

singing,
the yearning bird
escaped from its cage
flying free, it loved

heartbroken,
the bird
returned to its cage
and never sang again.

Thursday, 18 February 2016

Congeal

Maybe I'm bleeding
But at least my eyes are still dry
I've learnt, by these stabs,
How not to cry
Tear up our pictures
Rip them apart
Throw them on the fire where
You threw my heart

Monday, 15 February 2016

and i'm not telling you

each time i fell
maybe i only pulled someone else down with me
each time i loved you
maybe i only saw my love reflected back at me
and it wasn't the love i thought, we thought
this time i thought
maybe i thought wrong
but i thought it wasn't just me
i was wrong
and maybe you realized this before i did
and that's why it's all gone away
why you're gone
and im gone
but that's ok
i have a secret

Wednesday, 10 February 2016

in the end

once upon a time
i was sad
then he saw me sad
and he called me rain

he was the pieces of me
i was looking for
but when he came i put the rest of me
in him

 he walked away.

    then he was gone.

rain went away
rain fell down hard
whether it did or did not mattered no more:
all the pieces of me was not there to tell

only sad was left

Friday, 25 December 2015

Demersal

You were caught up in worrying
How deep the ocean was
The unknown, the metrics
The littoral to the benthic
Anxious and thus paralyzed
You did not meet me at the shore
Did the depth of the ocean matter
When all that separated us
Was how it was wide?

Thursday, 17 December 2015

When

How long this mourning, when
does this grieving end, when
each and every morning it dies again

I'm smiling at everyone, when
I'm weeping deep down inside, when
I don't know how to live that way again

I'm blue, I'm red, I'm a million freaking shades
When
Every single day I'm in the black.

Tuesday, 15 December 2015

This Way

I am determined
To have you by my side
Even if you are a million miles away

I know that one day
You'll turn to me and smile
The same way you smiled when we fell

The way we fell in love
The way the sun shines upon my head
The way the snow begins to fall
The way the dandelions fly away far away


Monday, 7 December 2015

Up here

I let my tears blur the last sight of your departing back, if only I had stayed strong and let the last second to the last moment of you last
But I blinked and a tear dropped
And oceans erupted dividing us,apart
Since I lost you
I have fallen into graves
And broken the skins on my hands and knees
Trying to find you
I've kicked down doors
Built up bridges
I've gone higher and higher and higher
Achieving everything this common life you left me asked
I've made castles and towers
Escalating the highest mountains
I've gone up and up and up
Maybe I'll have a view one day
Up there
When I will find you again

Saturday, 17 October 2015

Because Even She Was Gone

Where are you? She cried
I'm in the hospital, I'm in pain.
I'm on a break, I'm having fun;
I've had great food! I'm on the train;

Can't stay now, gotta rush
Oh, how are you? Gone again.
I'm OK, she answers
Gritting teeth in pain.

Where are you? She cried
I really need you now.
So busy really, there's no time;
I'm really sorry, but ciao.

Where are you? She cried
I don't have anyone.
'K, listen, you're annoying now,
Just stop all this. I'm done.

That's ok - said no one.
Because even she was gone.

Monday, 12 October 2015

Ember

And every night I cannot sleep
For rains drum down as I weep
Until numbed, both heart and soul
As this weight takes its toll

I have become ice and stone
Without warmth, and so alone
But an ember must still burn
Though small it be, yet is discerned

Without this I should not care
And keep the night awake with tears
Though they dampen, falling down
One day this ember too shall drown.

Monday, 5 October 2015

Disorient

I have traced the contours of your face
Along the edges of clouds
And whispered your name
To a dandelion seed before it blew free.
I don't know where I'm going
I don't know where I am
Every time I move forward
I am still left behind
I need you and you need me
But I whispered your name
And the seed grew a tree.
I have waited under these branches
Swinging to its tips
I have whispered your name to a birds nest
Your name like a kiss on the lips
One day, some day
You'll come back
And tell me where I am
Tell me where I am going
And whisper to me my name.



Originally posted on my private personal blog on Tuesday, 11 August 2015.Re-posted with my heart's consent.

Tuesday, 29 September 2015

Home

There is a house
In a quiet, lonely quarter
Where the meadows meet
And the stars shine upon
Where the moon
And the sun
In turn reunite
In perfection, this house
There it is:
Built brick by brick
With such care and effort
Built so well it can never fall down
There is a house
Where the skies turn violet
A million hues before twilight
Sunrises and blue skies
And perfect puffs of cloud
Accompany the songs
Of a hundred trees surround
There is this house
Noone else knows
Built with our dreams
Built with our love
The rooms, silent,
Are filled with our hopes
And lined on every shelf
Sits each our memory
There is this house
Where it sits in emptiness
Waiting for us
But
  We have lost the way.



Originally posted on my private personal blog on Wednesday, 12 August 2015.
Re-posted with my own heart's permission.

Saturday, 21 February 2015

Do You

Do you remember the first time I told you I love you?
Do you remember the last time we danced in the snow
If you could remember the way I remember you
You would remember that I will forever do.

Tuesday, 17 February 2015

11:11

One day I will fall in love
And when I do
I will remember you
I will remember the falling
Of five million tears
And you counting them
One by one
As they fell
One day I will fall in love
And when I do
I will remember you
And remember that you
And I
Had fallen time and again
Each time
Affixed to the second hand
And hour hand
To meet only several times
As we go about our lives
In different velocities
How do we jump
Over this moving gap
Or slide ourselves together
Without time stopping
Forever
One day I will fall in love
And remember that its always been you

Monday, 29 December 2014

A Story of You and Me

Why should I write a story? A different story, that's not you and me?
Why shouldn't I just let down the gates and let the words flow; so much more that has yet to be told
What more would there be in fictional characters, giving them a happily ever after
Giving them a story that's something we wish we had
But we have it all.
This is our story, our story we keep waiting to happen
When things are finally better and when things are finally calm
This is our story; a story of waiting for our story to start
But in the meantime we have been apart
If I can open my eyes today and you can close yours
If my sun sets to your sunrise, and the distance remains this far
With the hours stacked up and yet clocked in synchronity
The world keeps turning   And the heart keeps beating
Your heart
Then mine
Your heart
My heart

This is no silence. What are we waiting for?
This is our story: our story has already begun.

Wednesday, 19 November 2014

Phoenix

Irredeemably and forever
These broken pieces begin to totter
Miniscule vibrations, upon the shattered ground
Unnoticeable at first
Lifeless pieces asundered,
Scattered far and apart
Tremble. And trembling
In the fear of its demise and having died in fearing
Open its eyes unseeing
Realizing that its cause of death
Was life's reason itself.
Irredeemably and forever
I had promised to myself
This power deep within lit aglow
Like a black piece of coal unvarnished
Tarnished but for its fire deep within
As the damaged layers cast away in ashes
And the wind blows through a kiss of death
Resurfacing and giving breath
These broken pieces pulling together as one
Uprising again my flaming wings
That will destroy and heal us
Soldering our armoured hearts together
Irredeemably and forever.

thank you to song: Aaj Phir -Hate Story2

Thursday, 13 November 2014

Untethered

Waving in the wind
Fluttering violently seized
In the hands of this unseen
Snapped

Like a kite cut free
Yet never again to fly
On its last wretched journey down
Unfeathered

It is only after irretrievably breaking loose
That we learn freedom was in being tied

Like a sail unfurled:
Only by this intricate knot to its mast
We set forth

It was your hold that held me fast
That held us close, tied up
Putting the wind in our sail
Wind beneath these wings
Past tense

But armed herewith
With map and compass
With all the stars to point the way
With every direction mine to take
I am so lost.

Tie me up in your many strings
Keep me close yet set me free
This my unseen, stings cold
Whipping mercilessly
As I gust amiss without you.
Untethered

Friday, 7 November 2014

Goodbye

That you
My lifeboat
would turn your back
  While I suffocating drown in tears
And walk away
Without hesitation
Because I have slandered your complacency?

That your expectations
Of my expectations have raised a bar so high
That we hang on for life with both hands
Never to hold each other's
For fear of falling
Fearing the shattering
That would come with
A lifetime of death unto us.

What until now have we been clinging on to?
Can you turn around and save me
After I have been interred
Can you let go and give me your hand
Hold on and pull me back from these ashes
Can you find it within yourself
To even try else
How many times until now
Do we say our last goodbye?


Wednesday, 29 October 2014

Pathways

Guess how many times
I have walked these empty paths
In the dark, in the cold
With the winds blowing past
Pushing me aside
Cold, but yet warm
Remembering to me
The soft caress of your hushed voice
Your breath against my skin.
Guess how many times, my love
I have walked these folorn paths
Leaves gusting by
In multitudes
In serenades of the times
Long past, long fallen
Long forgotten.
Guess how many times
I have walked along this path
Reminiscing
A solid squall of winter white
Cold and alone
Yet happily alone
Walking through the crisp snow
Trodding through with footprints mine
Guess how many times my love
I have carved your name
On this folorn path.



Saturday, 27 September 2014

Deluge

I wish I could refind myself
And be the person I used to be
When I used to be.
I wish all these moments, so fleeting
Would pause and rewind
To those moments
Not so filled with yesterday
Because today is so filled with now and tomorrow
Us holding on to frail tendrils of hope
With our dreams and our love raging
Below, a turmoil deluge
Allconsuming, a destruction
Alleviating.
I wish I could be the person
I was when I wished
For this tomorrow.

Saturday, 16 August 2014

Shell

Tell me this
My love
Tell me how I have stopped breathing
Tell me how I have today to hold
How despite this longing
This long void
Of aching  numbness
Tell me my love
Does this craving end?
I have stopped my words
Forgotten how to live
I have dared not to move
Waiting here
Where we last parted
Silent and still
Waiting and waiting
I have stopped all music
Forgotten the tunes of love
Tell me this, tell me how
The rains poured down cold
And still I did not shed one tear
The sun shone down bright
Day in day out
Weeks turned into months
And time just became a blur
I left myself behind
And a ghost went forth
How was I supposed to live
Without you
Tell me this my love
Tell me this

Saturday, 31 May 2014

Giving

Maybe I settled for not being lonely
instead of being given happiness
Is that love?
I'm gone these days
And you have these 'one days'
you had assured me to do with as you wish
The happiness you promised me you'd find time
One day
Maybe it would have been the medicine
Given in small doses each day that passed by
To have kept me alive today
And now I spend these days
Still the shadow of the shadow I was
Tracing these halls
Wondering without answer
Is this love?
But I look at you
And I'm glad
For all I gave and gave
And gave
and you took and took and took
Without realizing how less I grew inside
Until one day - one day, again
I settled for giving and giving is love
I am gone
Was this love?

Friday, 23 May 2014

Magnolia

Life has become a magnolia tree
A magnolia tree
Could you extend your bare branches
Forever in cold
To wait through the agony
Time making you old
To shrivel and wither
To brittle thy marrows
Could you believe that you would ever bloom again?
Life in its beauty
Became just the thing
Where all that was beauty was all that was known
All that we knew and of all that we'd sing
Could you be called anything else and ever care?
A blossom
Cherry
A blossom, apple
To be cherished unknowingly without being yourself
To be yourself and not care what you were
Because being was all that meant being to you
This moment you breathe
This moment rejoice
This moment you flourish but
Life has become a magnolia tree
Oh magnolia
Thee
I spin under thy branches
To become one with myself
Life


Monday, 17 February 2014

Do Words Speak?

Do words speak?
I want to know
What is spoken are called words
But what of words
Do they speak?
Are they sentenced
To life imprisonment
A stolid silence
Once said, zipped tight
Expelled once said
To sink to depths
Without a further
Word.
Can words speak?
Maybe that changes
The equation of my question
Maybe words
They can speak
But because no word
Exists for a word
Spoken by a word
Words can't speak.
But do words speak
I want to know
If I listen
Will you speak?





Saturday, 8 February 2014

Isolated

I put my loneliness sadness in a bottle
and threw it in the sea
You took it and drank it
And gave it back to me.
Each time I filled it
Each time I threw it
Each time it came back
Empty.
Oh how I grew to love you
The one who drank away my sorrow
I said please, give me yours too
And I woke up, locked in the glass bottle.

Tuesday, 1 October 2013

Suicide

Suddenly, I've lost myself
I don't know who I am
I thought with you
I'd be complete
And now, I've lost myself.
A mirror, they say, love can be
To reflect you as all you are
But a glimpse I took and
it shattered
I don't know who I am.



Saturday, 24 August 2013

Just Because

Just because I run
Don’t mean I want to be gone
Because the place that I've left
Is the only place I belong

No matter which way I go
No matter which way I turn
No matter which way I step
It’s always you that I yearn

      Just because I have stood
                So long on my own
I’ve got to pinch myself twice
   Amazed I’m no more alone

   No matter how much I pull
  No matter how much I fight
          It always pulls me back
         This bond that’s so tight

This bond that's so right.

Sometimes I run and
Sometimes I roam
But that’s just because
You are the only way home.

          But that’s just because
          You are all I call home.

Friday, 16 November 2012

In Complete

Thoughts unspoken
Like a spool of yarn that twirls undone
As a leaf circles and winds its way lower and lower
Where is the thread that neatly ties these feelings together?
Like a door that creaks in an unseen draft of wind
Who is it that it beckons and awaits?

Wednesday, 10 October 2012

Persistence

Cold. A shiver up the back and it slowly seeps into the bones.
Winds that blow becoming steadily stronger.
A gust that blows your hair into your eyes, and whips it around so that you are left blinking back tears.
Leaves. Tumbling in a multitude of mayhem, pouring like salt from a box, to take flight.
Or whisperingly fall unseen, unknown, to glide in silence descending, descending.

How much farther do we fall?
We look back on forlorn times, to collide into the others, becoming so interspersed that we lose our identity
We hang, awaiting, on hopes for a fulfilment of restoration that never comes.
Grey. The clouds seep over everything moving, and vacuuming up the last hope, drops it all in tears.
We open our eyes to the blue of the sky, and where have all the clouds gone?
Why are the trees bare and where are our hopes, are they gone or do we wait to begin anew?
Or in existing have we already begun?


Wednesday, 19 September 2012

Grief

The interminability of grief
Unresolved
Undefined
Paralysing in its nature
Every single thing altered by a moment
Irreconcilable, never ending
Wounds reopen
Split open, bleeding
As loss is emphasized
By the normalcy with which it is unrecognized

There is still a missing spot
Where you belong
I don't know how to make me better.

Tuesday, 18 September 2012

Infinite

If there is a moment that remains suspended
In the midst of a raindrop that falls ever so slowly
Within the infinitesimal space that raindrop holds
To illicit in a blink of an eye the journey of its lifetime
A thousand memories that clash in freefall
Enduring, fading, morphing and merging
Imperceptibly incongruously irreplaceable
While umbrellas brace hold in the flooding deluge
Commending the strength of all as one
As all fall solitarily in the confinements of its fall
That is meant to be free yet remains a prison
For it hurtles down in its identity as a raindrop as
If there is a moment that remains suspended.



Monday, 20 August 2012

Erosion

This is how it all starts to end
When the fear you've been seeking to escape is in escape itself
The doorway to freedom then shuts and there is absolutely nothing
No ground no sky, just darkness to fall and keep falling
No warmth and no understanding
Just resounding echo of the wound
And footsteps of being left behind

Tuesday, 14 August 2012

Trust

Folorn and forsaken the leaves blow in the wind, and fall forgotten
Unspoken words that rise to the brim and threaten to spill but they don't
Could everything that could have been now teeter so precariously on the brink
Keeping back the heart that's already smouldering ashes slowly seeping into the wind

Wednesday, 8 August 2012

More Than Just A Wavelength

Have you ever seen the way the double helix of a DNA strand intertwines
Or the way every beat of the heart comes with a pause
How, with every inhalation of breath, exhalation follows,
Just because

Like the certainty of music
The memory of the last note that passed
Then memories, one after the other
That lie in wait in space
A song

From pen to paintbrush
Canvas to paper, filled with moments
Like a library or gallery but intangible
Lasts forever

Have you seen the way a rainbow arches
Each hue a million shades
The way they blend seamlessly for a moment
Before it fades

This is more than just a wavelength
Just because a song
lasts forever before it fades
More than just a wavelength


Monday, 6 August 2012

Journey of Sunshine

I tiptoe into sunrise
I want to breathe
I can't
This is a moment that has stopped
No intake
No out
But, a thought
How can it occur?
A heartbeat,
I hear you too
I hear it
I tiptoe
Follow the trail
Like an ear to the rail
Each time I get closer
It eases away
Follow the heartbeat
Follow the heart
I glide away
Leaving my shadow behind
I tiptoe into sunrise
With every step I take

Sometimes, I am sure I have already walked this path
Or other times, I get a bit lost
Sometimes there are those who curse at me for coming too close
Other times, through shadows and clouds, I hear them call me back.
I can't stop
I cannot slow down
I cannot let the heartbeat go
Because it is all I know

Friday, 6 July 2012

If My Heart Could Talk

These are not just words
Nor are are they just letters
These are not of a whim
To simply pass the time
These are feelings
If my heart could talk

If my heart could talk
What would it say?
Words that could be written
Yet not ever say it all
Rhythms and whispers

Whispers that become unheard
Because words can gather dust
Become remnants of memory
Feelings that wait
And wait

If my heart could talk
Would you listen?

Thursday, 5 July 2012

Forgotten

Sometimes it pours
With not a cloud in the sky
Not a flicker of wind
Not a breathe left
It pours
Out from the heart and out from the soul
It gushes and rages
And threatens to drown

Sometimes it is just a stream
That you can dip your hand in and feel
Caressing and cool
It comes out from the heart
Does it want to be heard?

Sometimes you wonder what is the point
In storms and streams
In feeling, or sensation
In wanting to share
When you're in it alone.

Thursday, 21 June 2012

Unanswered

I want you to tell me
Who am I
But the question in being asked
Becomes unasked
Who is the me and who is the I
Who is the you I question
Redundant, is it the question
Or is it the I?
Or is it my question answered
Unquestioned

Words Undone

There is no poetry that I can write
That would do enough for words
There is no moment that stops
Perfectly for the room these words need
No solace in the words nor in thought
No calm for them to settle
Whiplashes and riptides
That unsettle and everything becomes
Undone.

Tuesday, 12 June 2012

Serenity

Like an early morning stretch
Under the rays of light
With a smile upon the heart
Receding dreams from the night
A lingering of lazy
A tingling of joy
A warmth that underlies the chill
A basking cat, all coy

Like a dusky twilight walk
Upon the sandy shore
With a vista far and wide
On the horizon eagles soar
A tender little sigh
A sleepy little yawn
A snuggling without a thought
To welcome another dawn

Monday, 4 June 2012

Fade Away

Chasing
Chasing
Racing
Overplay
Over the sands
Shadows fade away.

There's a darkness.
  Turn it off
  Turn it on
There's a darkness
That soon fades away

Like music that clashes
On shores it crashes
Footprints that  fill
As they too fade away

Like wind that lashes
And lightning that flashes
Tears that don't fall
They fade away

Racing
Racing
Chasing
Underway
Under the stars
That soon fade away

There's a beat
That tells me
Underneath
No matter what
This won't fade away.



Tuesday, 1 May 2012

When Rain Fell

There's a magic
In the static
In this distance in between
Like a shimmer
Like electric
This space that stays unseen
A tremor
Is that a heartbeat?
A whisper?
Or just the breeze
A flicker of an eyelash
A silence -
Heartbeats freeze
Afrozen yet afire
Electricity
A spark
 A crack
  A raindrop,
    Magic drops down heavily.

Wednesday, 14 July 2010

Miss Me

Miss me
Because I can't cross this bridge
Miss me
The way I miss you
The way the clock stops
And the world holds its breath
There's something that says
Go
Take the first step
But you standing there
And me over here
Somehow I can't cross this bridge
My heart has grown roots
Saying No
We can't move
Miss me
This distance
That changes
Far and near
Near but apart
It's a chasm
An ocean
Wood and steel
Just a single word
Who built this
This bridge
That says there are two ends
That cannot be together
But forever be connected
Is it made of wood
Or just a single thread
Tied to two stakes
Through our hearts
Miss me
Because I cant
I cannot
If I take the first step
Would the weight of my
Heart
Pull the stake from yours
Would it rip us part
Would you run away
Or take the next step
Would the bridge fall away
Or would the ends
Start to burn
Would we meet in the middle
Or run past to the end
Would the thread
Just snap
Or we
Wake Up
-Without a bridge
So miss me
I'll miss you.
Why can't we cross this bridge?

Fast Forward

To believe in falling
And to fall in believing
And you wait while it breaks
Wait for the explosion
But it goes in a snap.
You wait for the thunder
But the sun has come out
You wait for the rain
To wash the tears out
Till you come to realize
You aren't going down
Like a balloon untied
You're just going up
You held on so tight to
What you couldn't let go
The world's moving on Fast
While you're stuck on Slow.

Saturday, 12 June 2010

False Hopes

Turning your back to hope
'Cause hope can't come knocking
When its time has passed
Because it is time to move on
To let go
To lock the door
And say Goodbye
Farewell.
How long can hope wait
When you haven't hope
Until you give it up.
It comes poking its head
Around the corner
As if you'll chase it
In its circles and riddles
To escape
While you wait?
Turning your back to hope
'Cause you gave it a chance
Or two
Or three
Or times you haven't fingers for,
They've got knotted up counting
Like your heart's in a knot
Or four
Until you've locked yourself in
Glass walls
Prison bars
Caged.
While hope flies on
Outside
Free
So I'm turning my back
on hope
With its strings attached
All it takes is a snip
And you can have your so called
Hope and the bows
and Tails
The strings all in knots
'Cause I'm now on my own
And on my own
I am free.

Tuesday, 1 December 2009

Monday, 16 November 2009

Unheard

In all of our moments
In all that we've shared
In all we faced together
What have we feared?
We put it in thoughts
But again let it go
When we met it together
Why couldn't it show?
Why chase it in circles
And yet leave it unsaid
Who was the hunter
And who the hunted?
So like an addiction
We continuously seek
To accept it together
Were we really so weak?
So we left it to time
To make this more strong
But when it got lost
We got swept along .
From such a distance
I knew I would wait
For if we could not face it
We'd bow down to fate .
I thought, if meant to be
Then you would be mine
So when you came back again
I took it as a sign .
There was a hole in my heart
Where I thought you belong
So was it all my fault
That maybe I'm just wrong?
In all of our moments
It just took one word
But what my heart whispered
Just went through yours unheard .

Sunday, 16 November 2008

If Only

Quiet night
Wet and dark
Sitting, riding, the lone bus home.
Across the aisle a family
A trio of sorts
Toddling son, mother, and her mother.
Next stop over, ready to leave
Gathering shopping bags,
In casual passing, I noticed Grandma's hands-
beatifully manicured red nails.
Half-asleep myself,
Exhausted from a long day
I smiled;
Thinking, what a lovely sentiment-
A mother treating her elderly mother to such luxury
Even at an age many others would not bother
Labelling and shelving as 'past expiry - do not bother'.
Glow from within
A moment - inspiration.
I thought to myself, Yes
One day when I have a mother, I'll do the same
One day...I smiled sleepily.
Their stop came.
The bus slowed.
That's when the realization came
Slowly
Bringing back the very words I'd just thought
...If only.

Wednesday, 30 July 2008

Twinkle?

And, when the rain keeps coming down
So much, so hard, so strong
I drown.
The one who'd stretch that hand
To share the umbrella
Who'd understand
Who'd make the sunshine
Come back out
Now just the thought of whom
Without
Only brings more rain.

Saturday, 12 January 2008

If You Were

Sometimes I wonder
If you were still here
Would you have been the one
Making everything seem right
Would we have been best friends
So that it didn't hurt when
The others walked away
Would my pillow stop being damp
Because it would have been your lap
Would that empty feeling
That chokes on lonely nights
Have no reason to be
Would I have someone
To wipe away my tears
To listen to everything
With that gentle smile
That smile I still remember
Each time I see it again
Reflecting back at me
Would it have been you
Coming with a cup of tea
Or caressing my head
With that magic touch
Instead of me alone
Asking the moon
Sometimes I wonder,
If you were still here.

Friday, 12 October 2007

Sunday, 16 September 2007

Smile

I smiled and smiled,
And smiled some more
I smiled as much a smile could smile.

I was asked;
"Why are you so sad?"

Wednesday, 12 September 2007

And The Rain Still Falls

The rain is still falling
Why does the world still think it is dry
Drop upon drop
The rain still falls
Oceans grow without feeling
Shores drown unknown
Why are my eyes alone wet?

The rain is still falling
Why does the world think it is bright
Drop upon drop
The rain still falls
Clouds darkly gathering
Thunders echo around
Why is this storm only mine?

The rain is still falling
Why does the world think it remains the same
Drop upon drop
The rain still falls
Winds fiercly blow without care
Showers lash down
Why are my eyes alone wet?

The rain is still falling
My world why do you not understand
Drop upon drop
The rain still falls
Empty filled with dark
Silence amidst crowds
Alone, and the rain still falls.

Thursday, 3 May 2007

That's Life

Memories
The souvenir
Left behind with time
Not missed or cried
Asks destiny
Yet mountains faith does climb

Mortality
A constant
To come, to go
The game
Change and let change
Inevitable
Nothing remains the same

Happens what shall
Without whys
Acceptance
Joy and strife
Take it or leave it
Seems like a choice
But is it?
Who knows; that’s life.

Monday, 9 April 2007

Untitled As Of Now

Untitled As Of Now
Subtitle: 'You been drinking again'

The pen held, awaiting
An overflowing mind
The right words, in search of;
Unable to find

The blank page keeps calling
Like fresh fallen snow
But what should be written
I simply don't know!

A topic, a theme
What metre, which rhyme?
A person or feeling?
Some moment in time?

Does a true poet struggle
With each single line?
Or this strange confusion
Is simply just mine?

When I think I am thinking
Am I thinking too much
Can thinking be thoughtless?
I don't think it's such.

Or are thoughts just thoughtless
When they lead you astray?
Like that thought I was thinking
Some time yesterday:

Yesterday was today
When tomorrow was today
So if today is today
Tomorrow's yesterday?

It's strange this thing "Time"
Both a science and art
Its all how you see it
What's an end is a start!

And time does not wait -
As I sit, lost in thought
Oh- what should be written?
Well, this...I know not.

Tuesday, 30 January 2007

Sometimes ..

It's not who's there in the end
But since the start
Sometimes it's not just being together
But the moments apart

Sometimes you see things
In a blink of an eye
And sometimes you feel things
And don't fully know why

It's the comfort, the trust
The just being you
Sometimes saying just anything
And sometimes not needing to

Sometimes it's unspoken
Yet so much still said
Sometimes the heart understands
While confused in the head

Sometimes you realize
The things you may dream
Somehow come true
Despite the way things seem

It takes its own time
Sometimes, a lot of mistakes
But when you reach your destination
It's worth what it takes

Sometimes it's not the road
But who's there at your side
Sharing moments you've laughed
And the moments you've cried

Sometimes you find faith
Even when you're wrong
Even at your weakest
You sometimes become strong

Sometimes it's in moments
When you silently smile
Sometimes its a heartbeat
That skips after awhile

Sometimes you love life
For the wonders it can send
When sometimes you realize
You have such a true friend.

Saturday, 2 December 2006

Best Friends

Somewhere up, above the clouds
Just beneath the stars
Somewhere there's a secret world,
A magical place that's ours

An enchanted palace just for us,
Carved from ice and snow
Surrounded by fields of daffodils,
roses, and sunflowers aglow

And the sun will always shine
And flirt with our silent moon..
We'll watch the romance upon our clouds
Licking chocolate pudding from our spoon.

We'll grow our own orchards
Of strawberry, peach and plum
Mangoes and pineapple
and we'll even grow bubblegum!

We'll slide upon the rainbows
And swing upon our swings
In cozy silence we'll soar above
And dream of many things

With heads back, we'll touch the sky
the wind flying through our hair.
Our world of love and purity
With nothing there to fear.

And we shall fight, our playful fights
When the snowflakes start to fall
We'll cross our arms and declare WAR;
To match snowball with snowball.

The world below will wonder
About blizzards that furiously blow
Because of our snowball fights above..
Barbados would get its first snow!

When our noseys have turned pink
With snow all in our hair,
With snowflakes on our eyelashes
Finally, truce we'll then declare.

Then at nights all snug and warm
Giggling before roaring fires
Talking of dreams through the night
Till we drift of dreaming those desires.

And when we come back down to earth
That magic will never end
There'll always some happiness,
Because you are my friend.



(composed for Bab's Ducky =)...while walking this winter morning while the snow freshly fell, and the sun came spilling over the clouds =) )




P.S.

And if a tear should ever fall
From those precious eyes
With flour on my nose, I'll bake you
Chocolate covered fries.

muahahihihihih :ebil:

Saturday, 2 September 2006

Just Believe

Stop a moment
Think again
Realize the worth
Release the pain
Smile within
Wipe the tears
Find the strength
Remove the fears
Love to live
Live to love
Dare to dream
Rise above
Cradle of power
Peace of mind
Inner calm
It's yours to find
The equation
Illusions deceive
Yours to solve
Just believe.

Tuesday, 4 July 2006

You'd Never Understand

You'd never understand my tears
Because you never knew
The things I sacrificed
In silence
Just to be with you

You'd ask me why I cry
But what can I answer
What can I say ?
How softly the tears fall
Somehow even till today

You'll ask why it's bitter
But you'll never understand
How alone,
How lost I was
When you took away your hand

You walk away
A different path
Living now your own dream
How far apart we now drift
Upon life's strange stream

You'd never understand the pain
Because you never knew
You'd never know how much it hurts
You'd never understand
How much I loved you

Saturday, 1 July 2006

Sweet Words

Sometimes sweet words don't mean what they say..
Sweetness of words sometimes just fade away ...
Yet, the sweetness of FRIENDSHIP
One can never replace..
It's the honey of the heart ..
An unforgettable taste

Sunday, 25 June 2006

Shattered

In a moment, you shattered it all..
Broke all promises, took away my happiness.
You, who I once called my life,
It was you who yet killed me.
You promised to never give me reason for tears
Today still, they fall unending
Alone, so very alone.
You came in my life, became my life, .. and shattered it
In a moment you left me alone
Shattered me with your lies
Turned your back, when all I wanted was to forever love you
And yet, you still aren't gone.
You're with me
In each tear that falls..
In the stars upon which I had once wished only for you...
In each hour that goes by sleepless
In every song, there are your memories.
The same songs I wonder if you even remember me when you hear them.
Across the miles, I still wonder if you feel the pain you gave me.
Do you know the tears still fall, even till now..
The heart still hurts as much ?
That I ask myself each time the tears come - why ?
How I wish to hate you, yet somehow I only love
Is this the curse of loving so much
To love and never forget?
To love forever,
Forever shattered?

Friday, 2 June 2006

Why?

Why do the tears come, when I've let It go free ?
Even in smiling, they wont let me be..
Why when I laugh, later I cry ?
Why in the end, I always ask "Why" ?

Why in the silence, I think of just you ?
Amidst this wild tempest, I wonder what was true.
Why did it break ? Why did it die ?
Why must every heartbeat always echo "Why" ?

Why, I this island, that your memories surround ?
I sink in your ocean, in tears I drown..
Why did we fall, when we wanted to fly ?
Why does every breath whisper softly "Why" ?

Why do I love you, when I dont want you back ?
Tender pleasures reminisce, and yet pain I dont lack
Why do I hurt still, when so hard I try ?
Why can't so many tears just answer so many "Why"s ?

Sunday, 14 May 2006

If ..

If I could dream one dream alone
It would be a dream of him.
If I had the choice to live again
It would be again with him.
If there was one sound I could hear
It would be the music that he is.
If I could ever hold one hand
It would be to never let his go.
If I could call anyone mine
It would be only him.
If he had one choice alone
It would be that I was his.
If I had one wish in the world
It would be for his granted.
If I had a dream come true
It would be his forever smile.
If I could guarantee anything
It would be his happiness.
If I could love forever
It would be as I love him now.
If I could call this love anything
It would have to be true.
If I could only tell him one thing,
It would be "I love you".

Saturday, 6 May 2006

Final

Final darkness comes slow, too slow
Faster instead these tears flow
Total silence
Heartbeats sound
Loneliness in which I drown.

Hope and dreams once I knew
Even those silently flew
Hidden pains
Quietly kill
Internal poison makes all still.

With each breath comes less I need
The heart itself slowly bleeds
Illusions around
Nothing for real
Coldness numbing, nothing I feel.

There from above comes the call
Gusts of wind as I fall
Exhaustion within
No more asking why
Life's calling for one final bye.

Saturday, 29 April 2006

Saudade

With something found
Still much to find
That inner calm
Some peace of mind

A wall that divides
Strangers once your own
At the end of the day
Feeling so much alone

Behind glass walls
See the world play
Emotions overwhelm
Every single day

Assuring oneself
A reason for it all
Taking deep breaths
Won't let the tears fall

Alone under stars
While the winds blow
Drying tears that
Threaten to overflow

Wrapped in silence
In solitude
Thoughts echo loudly
Old wounds renewed

Fighting within
To remain strong
Internal battles
That last too long

A need to let go
To let it all fade
A need to move on
To leave this saudade.

Monday, 20 February 2006

Beyond

Beyond that sunset
Warm upon my face
I'm totally lost
Absorbed
In thoughts of you.

Beyond Today
There's a Tomorrow
That I look forward to
Because it's another day
With you.

Beyond those clouds
That hidden promise
That makes me smile
Of lifetime beyond
With you.

Beyond that horizon
A dream lives on
Together we dream
Of a forever
Me and you.

Beyond existence
There's a moment
That doesn't exist
That moment when I don't
Think of you.

Beyond Forever
There is a time
A time beyond Always
When I'll still
Love you.

Sunday, 5 February 2006

Wistful

Wistfulness in my eyes
That won't be cured too soon.
A petulant pout,
Knowing it has to wait.
Furrowed, knotted brows
That sulk, patiently impatient.
This pining, this wistfulness
Is making me go mad.
I see you in everything
Everywhere I look.
In that caress of the breeze..
Your whispered breath against my cheek.
Looking out the window at the moonlit sky..
There, in the glass..
Your reflection beside mine.
Hours fly by..
In thoughts of you,
Within my head, talking to you
Dreaming of you.
Yet wistfully I look at the clock,
Each second is a century
Each minute millenia.
Amid the silence, I hear your voice.
My breath catches, then sighs.
My heart throbs,
Heavily inwaiting, yet ecstatic in your memory
My pillow becomes your shoulder
The softness of the comforters, your warmth.
Each time I close my eyes
I see that quiet knowing look in yours.
I see your smile upon your face
And a wistful smile crosses mine.

Saturday, 28 January 2006

In Your Love ..

In your love, I've found dreams come true
In your love, I've learnt to love like it can never be enough
In your love, I've found beauty in the grayest skies
In your love, I shed tears of thankful bliss
In your love, I never want to let you go
In your love, the quintessence of happiness is defined
In your love, I've laughed as if I've never laughed before
In your love, I find strength to face the worst
In your love, I find patience to last lifetimes
In your love, I've found warmth to withstand freezing storms
In your love, I've found belonging in lonliness
In your love, there is mischief to match every blush
In your love, there are silences filled with words
In your love, no world can match our own
In your love, there is intimacy no matter how far the distance
In your love, special memories are as numerous as hopes
In your love, a past as cherished as the future exists
In your love, there is poetry in my words
In your love, I hear music in the wind
In your love, the stars shine exceptionally brighter
In your love, I've passed restless nights
In your love, a fountain of unceasing mirth overflows
In your love, a fire kindles aflame within me
In your love, there are hugs in words, words in hugs
In your love, I look forward to waking to each day
In your love, my heart sings to the rhythm of your heartbeat
In your love, I believe forever isn't long enough
In your love is faith that 'true love' is true

Sunday, 22 January 2006

Restless Flame

Tossing and turning
A night without sleep
Inside I'm burning
A fire that's deep
Breathing in sighs
All through the night
Restless am I
So quick I ignite
I'm frozen; I'm burnt
I am aflame
New feelings I've learnt
My heart is to blame
I'm cold, yet I melt
I'm hot, yet I freeze
Feeling what's felt
A wild restless breeze
A small laugh, a smile
Alone in the dark
All pains seem worthwhile
With this burning spark
Feelings that simmer
Feelings that steam
Restless, so Restless
In this waking dream
So lost in thought
So thoroughly glad
Shivering, yet hot
I've surely gone mad
A heartbeat that's wild
Yet somehow tamed
Peacefully riled
Restlessly flamed
Dreams and desires
It silently burns
Deep hidden fires
Inwait the heart yearns
Tossing and turning
It's love, I confess
On fire, burning
Love's made me
Restless

Sunday, 15 January 2006

I've Dreamt A Dream

I've dreamt a dream
Since I was small
In which a shooting
Star would fall.
A wish I made
Deep from my heart.
Yet, when awake
My dream did start.

I've dreamt a dream
That the whispering air
Would caress my cheek,
I'd ask it " Where ? "
It took my wish
And searched the world;
Blew back at me
My dream unfurled.

I've dreamt a dream
A feeling so strange
From a chance first meeting
My life would change.
What I felt then
I never knew;
Feeling so pure
A feeling so true.

I've dreamt a dream
Where a midnight sky
Would echo back
My question " Why ? "
Through the silence
My one reply:
One lone star
Shooting by.

I've dreamt a dream
Of an early dawn
Of the Sun's first rays
Of the Moon withdrawn
At a magenta sky
I'd question fate,
" Tell me when ? "
It told me " Wait. "

I've dreamt a dream
In which a raging storm
Rained down on me
And tears would form.
Drowned in sorrow,
Would let my wish go.
When lightning flashed
Thunder sounded, " No."

I've dreamt a dream
On a mountain top
I'd wonder " How ? ";
My heart would stop.
In the twilight
At a reach so high,
A solitude star
Would quietly fly.

I've dreamt a dream
Where the ocean's tide
Would lap my feet,
I'd think inside
This secret that
I silently keep;
As the ocean is vast,
My love is deep.

I've dreamt a dream
Where eyes would meet
My heart would skip
And miss a beat
If ever you asked
The question " Who ? "
My heart would whisper
"Only You"

Sunday, 1 January 2006

Justice

What happiness do you reap
By telling a lie ?
What can you proudly say is yours
In making another cry ?
When your day comes
Where you too shed a tear;
When your heart also breaks
More than you can bear ..
Dont question why for
The answer lies in your hands.
Consequences of your past
There, justice stands.
That you hurt one
Who would give you their life,
In the same way
You will find your strife.
The hurt can forgive,
But justice won't forget.
In the courtroom of life
Rewards and punishments are set.
A heart that is pure
A heart that is true
Would not have deceived
-Showing not one face, but two.
The tears that you caused
The wound that so pains,
Would remain on your own hands
As a memoir, your stains.
When you next enjoy
the fruit of your sin..
Remember again,
Justice will win.